About twenty minutes ago, I'm standing outside. Needed to walk. Thinking about Poppy, how much this must suck for my dad. Whatever. I don't want to go to the funeral. I would rather go to the pie fight. But I'm going to the funeral, and I'm going to like it, because of Dad. I really just would rather ditch out on it. It's not like I hate Poppy - I just totally don't care about him. Who cares more about pie fights than their dead grandfather? Does this make me a horrible person? What kind of a--
"You disgust me. Disgusting," she says. This little old woman, pointing her long hook-handled umbrella at me. Looking me in the fucking eye. Snarling. She's not obviously dirty or street, but who knows? I look down at myself, thinking, well, I showered today, and my clothes fit...did she...?
"You disgust me."
And then she keeps on walking.
I turn to the suits standing behind me. "Did you guys see that?"
One of them nods, laughing awkwardly. "Uh, yeah."
I don't know what to do about that.
I'm actually quite used to having odd people approach me. Some of you know that. But this freaked me out.
...
She KNEW what was going on in your brain!!! Or... she just hates young people. I get some flack from oldies often because I'm all tatted up like a harlot.
ReplyDeleteBut even when they can't see my inkskin, some of them just think I'm like all the rest of them- unholy asshole youths.
Don't sweat it. You're a better person than most. I'd be at the pie fight and comforting Dad later on.
Ghost of Poppy was probably behind you flashin' the old lady.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, she could totally read my brain.
ReplyDeleteOld people - can't drive for shit, but can TOTALLY tell what you've done.
ReplyDeleteYou probably just had a huge booger hanging out.
it was jesus...jesus dressed like a pissed off little old lady!
ReplyDeleteforget my previous comment...you go to that funeral and make it the best goddamn funeral there ever was...
cuz that shit is scary. little old ladies are scary enough...but one that's snarling...and eyeballing...and pointing an umbrella at you...and reading your fucking mind!!! good god, rassles...i woulda soiled myself!!
that gives me the willies!!!
You get what you give sometimes ... and you having inner turmoil and she was having outter turmoil.
ReplyDeleteSometimes what we hate in others, is the one thing we hate most in ourselves.
She's all old and she hates that. and you are young and she hates that too, cuz she's not young.
Or she could read your mind. There's that ...
You'll never get a job at the gimcrack. Probably a good thing.
ReplyDeleteThat Mary Poppins just hasn't been the same since the stroke.
ReplyDeleteI attract all manner of whackos and I don't even know why. Actually, I do. I think they can see a kindred spirit even under the camoflage of a normal looking middle aged college professor.
ReplyDeleteWhy are hobos so goddamn psychic. Pisses me off.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a promise that she made to herself when she was younger. Like I'm doing now. When I get old and wrinkly, I'll approach a youngster in mourning, point and yell "You disgust me". I think that's the way it works.
ReplyDeleteReading your blog is like if you haven't seen Pulp Fiction and you step into a room where it's at the part where Bruce Willis runs into the store to get away from Samuel Jackson - you're like what the fuck is this all about.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work!
BTW - I think you have to go to the funeral. Sorry, life sucks.
ReplyDeleteMaaaaaaaybe you could fix it to make sure your dad didn't go by messing with his car or something. Then you could go to the pie fight and tell your dad you were at the funeral.
ReplyDeleteOooh-ooh! Maybe phone in a bomb threat at the time of the funeral so you can attend both!
a well-timed schizo-lady comment like that would freak me out too. I mean- does she KNOW what you're thinking?
ReplyDeletehol-ee shit that's weird.
ReplyDeleteI hear ya about the funerals. But then again, I'm pretty against them to begin with. So the idea of funerals just do not appease.
wow.
ReplyDeleteHow weird is that? I usually attribute the negative, random things crazy people say to me as the universe's way of telling me I suck. But you don't suck in any way. In fact, you're giving up going to a pie fight to go to a funeral of someone you didn't even like. Don't take it personally what a probably senile old woman randomly says to you. Okey dokey?
ReplyDeleteWere Thanny and Mathdude separated at birth?
ReplyDeleteAn X-man in life-size model. You should have collected her for testing.
ReplyDeleteShe was either psychic or psycho-- either way I'm sure Poppy would appreciate you being there-- or not?
ReplyDeleteIt was probably the green "active" diamond rotating above your sim head. I hate those fucking things.
ReplyDeleteYou're going to the funeral and you're going to like it? Huh? Aren't you supposed to be sad a t funerals or at least pretend to be sad?
ReplyDeleteAn old voodoo woman approached me on the streets in New Orleans once. Cussed me lower than a dog and cast a spell on me.
ReplyDeleteScared me for a week. Hell, I'm still running scared.
Look at you with the zillion comments, Ross. You're like the new P@D :^)
ReplyDeleteAAW YEAH the P@D TAKEOVER has begun. GET IT GIRL.
ReplyDeletep.s. Ambiguous and I have decided that we will come to Chicago and start a massive pie fight for you. with you. at you. whatever.
But we'll come and drink circles around you and throw some shit around and then go home so you can nap.
PPS when are we going??? Chicago invasion is imminent.
ReplyDeleteHmm I've got 4th of july AND labor day plans. lets do this in about a month's time?
ReplyDeletepie fight
Wow. Someone call Mulder and Scully (or maybe, more timely, the folks from Fringe), 'cause that was creepy.
ReplyDeleteWeird shit.
ReplyDeleteBitchy old bag, hu?
I think we all have relatives whose funerals we'd want to skip for a pie fight.
ReplyDeleteLunatic lady probably did read your mind, but I think she was disgusted that you were missing the pie fight.
"Daaaw, youth is wasted on the wrong people!"
--Crazy old man in It's a Wonderful Life.
I am very sorry for your family's stress, though.
I think you are a zillion times cooler than Pistols...
ReplyDeleteHahahaha....wow... I would have looked back at her and said "Yeah, I'm disgusting, and I'm going to shit in your mouth, you wrinkly sack of foreskin!"
ReplyDeleteEither that, or a roundhouse kick always shuts 'em up...hahaha!