One hole closes, another opens.

Anything from White Castle needs to come with a side effects label. Especially those goddamn jalapeno burgers. I only had two. Just two.

And chicken rings.

Now I have IBS. Seriously, fucking Castle.

I woke up this morning and it felt like someone--or you know, the entire student body of Ohio State--was celebrating New Years Eve in my brow chakra. With cranking noisemakers, honking horns, a clan of hyenas, and a fucking hatchet.

M.E.'s Bongiovi birthday limo surprise was a huge success, of course, because I didn't plan it.


TOP TEN

(I understand that the quotes number far more than ten. It's just what I call it.)

14. "We definitely have enough beer." - MoLinder, underestimating our imbibing skills.

13. "M.E.'s gonna be one happy jappy."

12. "Please do not put feet on bar." - the completely ignored suggestion written on the window of the limo.

11. "I can't drink tonight, I'm on antibiotics. Because of my hole." - Me, before drinking and telling everyone about my hole. Which isn't much of a hole anymore, and is more of a slight opening.

10. "That little bitch, you know she's telling everyone that she can get a limo to pick her up from the fucking bar." - Ammo, on Xtine being picked up at Pints with our limo.

9. "Put on Jack FM." - Schmee's repeated plea on radio time. Over and over and over and over again.

8. "Shit, I have to unbutton my pants, I'm bulging." - Ammo, when she had to unbutton her pants due to bulging.

7. "You're like Dustin Bon Jovi." - Xtine, to Dustin, on his rad rendition of Bad Medicine.

6. "Fuck you, Chicago, I'm done. Done. DONE. I WILL NEVER RETURN." - MoLinder, on the cold.

5. "I am Rossi, and I am coming to pick you up on the southeast corner of Madison and Damen. We are in the black limo." - Gyna, on our incognito limo locale amidst a sea of black limousines while talking to Mary on the phone so M.E. wouldn't know we were waiting to surprise her in a limo.

4. "I'm so pissed off--he didn't sing Always." - M.E., being a tool who likes douchey songs.

3. "Rossi, you're not allowed to get any Jalapeno burgers. Remember the Creation Museum?" Xtine, reminding me about how I always feel after eating Jalapeno burgers.

2. "I'll have two jalapeno burgers." - me, at White Castle, ignoring Xtine's sagely advice.

1. "Let's go to Mothers." - I don't know whose brilliant idea that was, but I hate them.

...