Well, now that last week is finally over (seriously? thank god) it's that time of year where I have nothing to do for three weeks. Which is perfect, because I'm broke after this weekend and that whole spectacular shots-for-everyone production.
Detox January is an excellent idea, don't you think? Time to catch up on Netflix, and Battlestar Galactica starts on Friday, and then Dollhouse in a couple of weeks, and then Watchmen comes out, and all I really want to do for a little while is just completely nerd out.
Besides, I have to pay rent and then wait for my next paycheck before I can afford the bars and hang out with the cool kids anyway (you know the ones I'm talking about - the beautiful ones, who are loved by men and don't watch shows that take place on spaceships), so until then, sober fun and designated driving.
Ready for something you don't care about but I'm saying anyway? I need a new pair of shoes for work. God fucking dammit, I hate buying shoes. I can't ever afford what I want and end up buying some that are ugly as fuck, but cheap and functional. This is also why I hate dresses, coats, pants, and you know...fucking clothing.
Finally, inspiration to conceivably, perchance, maybe someday get in better shape: living in a thread-free nudist colony, and never torture myself over stupidhead clothes again. Ever. I should take up yoga.
We all know that is never going to happen, so I guess I'm going to Village Discount this week.
And three weeks from now, you know. Birthday season starts up again at the end of February, and then the train trip to New Orleans for volunteering (you know that the entire time I'm on that train I'm going to be singing "Midnight Train to Nola" and annoying the crap out of everyone).
And I've got like, all these things I'm supposed to sew on Unofficial Back Order.
Maybe I could make myself a pair of shoes out of like, an old leather coat and ripped tire rubber. Does anyone know of a vacant apprenticeship with their local cobbler? Perhaps a Danish one with a bisexual son who writes depressingly fanciful children's stories about mermaids and match girls and dreams of being a famous soprano? No?
Crap. I have no future.
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18 comments:
I'm going to say this here, because I think you might be the only person who would get it. No one else ever has:
"The Wolfman has nards!"
"Kick him in the NARDS! DO IT! DO IT!"
Okay, so now I'm editing my Netflix list and the roommate is going to kill me, because for the rest of the month it's going to be all Monster Squad, Innerspace, Emil and the Detectives, Cloak and Dagger and the like. All the ones I don't own? Burning. Starting immediately.
Oh! and Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend.
For shoes I suggest the trifecta of bargains: TJ Maxx, Marshall's, and Ross.
Also, I don't know any girls who don't watch TV shows that take place on spaceships. Not any cool ones, anyway.
Isn't February the best month to detox? It's got the least days....
Nursemyra makes an excellent point. Get some suede pointy-toe boots. They will never betray you.
If more girls were excited for BSG and Watchmen I wouldn't be a single nerd.
Always remember, boots are power. I've done the research and the data checks out.
Going to NOLA on the train to volunteer?
I think you're the coolest nerdette on the planet.
Gypsy: Basically, yes. That's where I'm headed. And I completely agree that watching spaceship shows is cool, but the problem is, cool is (unfortunately) not defined by me.
Nurse: But it's not detox month, it's detox "rest of the month." I could never detox in February. Friends would kill me. Besides, it's black history month, nothing inspires me to get drunker than Sojourner Truth.
Franklin: Gah, no. I'm anti-pointy shoes. Flat out won't do it. And no heels. And I refuse to wear boots over my jeans, and not because it looks odd, but because it means I would need a pair of those god-awful skinny jeans that make everyone look gross.
(Sorry. I don't understand fashion.)
Del-V: Liar. You're going to end up with a girl that watches The Bachelor, and you know it.
RF: But expressing yourself through boots is tricky business. There's a fine line between "power" and "slutty whore."
Kitty: Yeah, but it's just for a couple days. I'm excited.
If the boots go over your knee and/or have a heel that make you walk like the Mother Alien for Aliens, that's slutty whore territory. And what's wrong with slutty whore territory?
And you need to have the right legs for skinny jeans and the boots-over-jeans look. Not everyone can pull that off, but those that do... hot damn. (I should mention I have a strong penchant for 80's fashion, the glory era of tight jeans)
Ha! One of the best Thanksgivings I ever spent involved a cooking mishap so that the turkey took 10 hours to cook.
Okay, that part sucked, but it meant we could watch "Cloak and Dagger," which we'd rented for just that occasion, possibly three to four times. It did, in fact, get better every time.
I'm totally with Gypsy on the whole Marshalls, TJMaxx, Ross thing-- it is a supertrifecta, oh yeah baby.
But-- if you want the shoes of all shoes, go on ebay or a discount website and get MBT zapatus- OH. MY. GOD. HOLY. SHIT. BEST. SHOES. EVERRRRRR. Buy a used pair-- they are insane if you are on your feet a lot or if you're not.
RF: Maybe if I was a slutty whore, I wouldn't mind so much.
Pistols: Cloak and Dagger defines childhood imagination in the greatest way possible, second perhaps only Flight of the Navigator.
Flora: Those shoes look insane. In a new crazy way. A good way.
Boys love me and I watch BSG religiously. I actually kneel and bow in front of the teevee before each episode.
Also, sometimes girls love me too. Not that it's relevant, just thought I'd let ya know.
I've got my fair share of male friends, so I'm not really complaining.
Oh, and FUCK YEAH, BSG.
I love Innerspace.
I second Gypsy's recommends for shoes. come on, you have to find something in the sales.
I fucking love shoes more than my family.
Blues: At least it's something.
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