The Thing About Hereos

Is this:

If you don't watch the show, or care about it...whatever. I need to just start firing.

I like it when they keep on casting actors from my favorite shows that aren't on the air anymore: Greg Grunberg and David Anders, Kristen Bell, and I don't know the names of the Buffy alums, but DL played Forrest and the guy who turns shit to gold was Principal Flutie.

Now we have Weevil.

I ALMOST HAD A HEART ATTACK.

Weevil is the greatest. Best Veronica Mars character other than VM herself. I know everyone's all about Logan, but fuck that, Weevil is the shit, and he got shafted in the last season, and now he's on Heroes which just makes my goddamn day.

Oh, and Bruce Boxleitner? What what.

I was a little disappointed that Season 3 didn't open with a firing squad and the subsequent death of Leaky Eyes Maya, but what are you gonna do?

Less Crisco on naked Mohinder (I have no problem with him being naked, just not oily), more scarred Peter Petrelli, and please make Nathan go batshit Christian crazy and keep Ali Larter as Tracy, not Nikki. I like the new Angela Petrelli storyline, I love snarky Sylar ("like a long night after a bad taco") and I want Sark back from the grave.

Oh, and there is no way Tracy killed the Greatest American Hero. I think he froze himself and shattered and is presently gathering up the molecules to realign in his human form.

Or he's dead. I don't know. But why would they put him in there if they were just going to kill him?

I'm going to have to purchase Season 2. Better not be a repeat of when I bought Season 1.

...

Spite.

Sometimes on the highway there’s that one rogue fuckjob in an F150 that thinks tailing behind my car is an effective way to get what he wants.

His reasoning is lacking. In, you know…reason.

Logic.

Whatevs.

Dude, I’m going sixty in a forty-five mph construction zone, and that’s fast enough. I’m passing the people in the right lane.

If you’re really gonna follow me that closely and use your brights for some undecipherable flashy light code, you need to know that shit is not gonna work, for reasons that are threefold:

1. I do not know flashy light code.
2. You are obviously irresponsible and reckless and have no business driving since you dangerously refuse to leave space between our cars.
3. You are a fucktard who fails at life.
   

I’ll drive slower to keep a safe pace. How’s that? Oh, you’re laying on the horn now? Fuck yeah, make some noise, I’m turning up the BeeGees and blamin’ it all on the nights on Broadway. Yeah, twenty-four miles per hour.

What, you can’t circumvent because of construction? You should have thought about that before you went all blinky-headlight perma-horn, shitbag. Giving me epilepsy. I can’t see properly. I should slow down again. Sucka.

What I learned, incredulously, is that acting out of sheer spite is far more satisfying than Tron.

Secondly, in a completely unplanned personal reaction and editing of the previous sentence, I've also learned that acting out of sheer spite is far more satisfying to say than mere spite.

...

Some people refer to it as "the express lane." I call it "Tron."

Newest guilty pleasure: driving full-speed in the express lane on 88 between Winfield Road and Highland Avenue. Six-mile stretch of road with narrow cement walls and a trail of constant reflectors flying past you at all times. Way better at night, especially around curves.

I go about seventy and pretend I'm on a lightcycle trying to outrun the brainwashed tank forces of Master Control Program. It is AWESOME. It's fucking Tron*.

Unfortunately, on our way home from Galesburg last night, I was behind another car, it was raining, and very windy. So I had to go about fifty. Lame. So not as Tron as usual, but still. I am obsessed.

Galesburg was of course, huge success complete with multiple ruined lives. Novotny made a suprise visit, Good hung out and went into his personal drunken Acrobatic Silent Mode. Got some excellent dental care. Washed Sandy's dog (who dominates, by the way). Saw some ringed fingers and found out the dates for the next two weddings on the list. Did karaoke at a gorgeously seedy hotel lounge. Dominated "In Your Wildest Dreams" and sucked at Guitar Hero III. Learned two new magic card tricks which I will now whip out at parties that have gone stale. Played light as a feather, stiff as a board. Lost a bet for a bottle of Beringer. Went to an antique store that had seventy-year old Studebakers on the second floor. Ate some damn good homemade chili. Activated a new member of the circus, complete with candles, a spoken pledge, and a lavelier made out of a beer bottle tab. Rediscovered the wonder of Nutty Bars and Digiorno chicken supreme pizza. Jager.

An excellent weekend.

* Yes, I understand that Tron is a character and not the light-bike race itself, or even where the lightbike race is held, but why would I say something like, "Some people refer to it as the 'Express Lane.' I call it 'The LightCycle Race Program Arena Where The Colored Vehicular Tracks Of Tron, Flynn, And Ram Create Walls of Light And It's Like Going Through A Narrow Tunnel And Making Turns Really Really Fast In The Disney Backlit Animated Feature Film, TRON.'" Just easier saying Tron, is all.

...