Showing posts with label love letters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love letters. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

A Love Letter to Dusk

Dear dusk,

I have been writing this post for over a year now. How does this go? How do I do this correctly?

Let's begin again.

Dear dusk,

You are, without a doubt, the best part of the day. I've always loved the dawn, but only after being awake all night. When there are stipulations to your love, it's not real love. Is that true? That might be true. We could argue about this from dawn to dusk, regarding love and its limitations and confirmation, but until then, let us pretend this to be true: love requires no limits, no exceptions, and only inclusive annoyances.

Dusk is the time to shine in the darkening world, beginning the exact the moment of the day when it becomes impossible to read the words in a book without a headlamp.

That's a real thing. You can google it. Fucking google.

Technically, it's the moment when terrestrial objects can no longer be clearly distinguished by natural light, but the reading thing sounds more romantic.

A common mistake among laymen, humans, everyone, really, is making dusk synonymous with the sunset, which is wrong. Dusk is just after that. Just. It doesn't last very long before evening officially begins. The world darkens and fades, a shadow of what it was during the day. Distinct forms melt and merge into silhouettes, creating new, peculiar shapes. If you're in a city, it's that time of the day when everyone collectively sighs and turns on the lights. At least I do, and I'm like, fucking dusk, you know? I can see in your window, do you look into mine? Sometimes I think dusk is superior simply from the perspective of voyeurism. Then I remember that voyeurism is not something I love, necessarily, just something that I find interesting sometimes, maybe once every three months or so. Which is enough.

When I was a kid, dusk was when I would leave for home, wherever I was. No one ever measures time like that anymore. Be home before dark. We'd hop on our bikes and ride home like our very freedom depended on it. Technically, that was true. Once it was too dark outside for my parents to distinguish terrestrial objects by natural light--after that, they began to worry.

So for them, dusk was the exact last part of the day when their children were safe from the inevitable night.

The mystery of dusk is that bridges the light of day and the dark of night, like traveling between realms, shaded in grays and blues. Shadows have grown old throughout the day, and by dusk they're experienced. They've learned their task at this point, which is, of course, to grow into things that are menacing, ancient, and enormous. Shadows are children of the light - so says that one guy. You know, the one with the books and the TV show. He says that. He's not wrong. By dusk, they've matured into things that aren't merely warnings of the waning sun, but representations of it.

Of course there's the golden hour, or the magic hour, which is nice and all if you're a photographer or a filmmaker. Dusk is better. Not necessarily for pictures, but for...like...duskiness. It's eerie. Peaceful. Aware.

Dusk feels like activity, it feels like you're gearing up for something. The change in light brings on a change in you. It's deer-thirty, which is the worst, but that just makes everything a little bit more terrifying and a little bit more exciting. Driving at sunset is hard, specifically when you're facing west after the rain and the road is all brilliant and bright. But driving at dusk is like a dream, especially in the country. There are low lights ahead, a hazy shimmer. At first, you think it's a town, or the remains of the setting sun. But the closer you get the farther away it glows, because it's not an existing thing that occupies three-dimensional space, it's just the look of dusk.

The mythology surrounding dusk is boring, and almost always intertwined with the dawn and lumped in with twilight, and as we all know: fuck fucking twilight. The only godlike thing that mythologies tend to agree on regarding dusk is this: wind happens.

Once I heard a myth about a Russian burning bird called something, which I've been googling and coming up goose eggs. But it's a burning bird who swallows the dwarf  who steals its eggs, like the evening aurora swallows the sun. There are fantastic myths about sunset. Shalim is the Canaanite deistic depiction dusk, and his appetite is as large as his mouth that swallows the heavens: one lip to the earth and the other to the sky. He was a god of completion and peace.

Well done, myths.

Basically I love it. But the question of the day is this: what happens in the meadow at dusk?


Is it nothing?

Or everything?

Love, 
Rassles


Wednesday, June 3, 2015

A Love Letter to Blurt

Dear blurt,

A quick one before we begin: I AM DETERMINED TO FINISH THIS. The 52 love letters, that is. For me. I have to finish this for me.

Maybe it's not necessarily pervasive, but conversational subtlety is generally a lost art, and because of this I have no way to gauge my skills in the matter. Even though there's a sneaky comfort in conversational code-breaking, it's stressful just to think about it. When the words someone chooses to use have as much weight as the words omitted, it forces us to think about things. Motivation.

Not to sound too theater-y, especially since I am far from a theater person, but motivation is the key to everything.

Motivation is not an excuse. It's a reason. It establishes causality without begging, and excuses are all about begging - begging for belief, forgiveness, or empathy or whatever. Excuses shirk responsibility, reasons establish it. I mean, your motives can be pure that the result can be disastrous, but that's not an excuse. It's a reason.

So the reason for impulsive blurting instead of prudence is either (a) ADD/ADHD, which is a whole other hulking thought process that I am not going to touch with any part of me, or (b) to mitigate discomfort. People don't blurt things out because they're calm and collected, they blurt to relieve pressure, and like zit-popping or itching mosquito bites, the results can be super fucking ugly and uncomfortable.

Still. There's a reason.

Sometimes it's simple: blurting could happen to lessen the stress of keeping a secret or to interrupt a stretch of silence or to assert your relevance when you feel dismissed. It's about excitement and impatience, it's rash and reactive. It's a compulsion, a betrayal, an admission, a scramble, a flood. It hinders and helps. Blurting is selfish and shortsighted and only serves the intentions of a very few for a short while, because blurting never sees the big picture. Blurting is the honest truth or the fattest lie - rarely is blurting tiny and inconsequential.

From Arrested Westeros
It is not thoughtful, unless you're a manipulator and you're blurting on purpose, in which case...damn. That's some evil, Littlefinger shit. Then again, a thoughtful blurt is probably more accurately described as an interruption. See, you guys, conversation is hard.

I guess I just usually prefer a well-honored blurt instead of a deliberate response. No, that's not right. I don't prefer the blurt. It's just much more fun. Just say it. Say it and let it linger.

Then again, why is it fun? Does this mean I find glee in the discomfort of others, having established that a well-wrought blurt stems from there?

No. I find glee in the relief. I'm glad that you were able to blurt, because it feels good. It might not be the best thing to do in the long run, but hey, no one is perfect.

Blurting reassures me. People are human, and humans can sometimes be selfish. We err, we lose control, we say things without thinking. And that's okay. It's the action of blurting, not the words that are used. I love the reason.

I love talking to people that just blurt shit out. Stupid nonsense or brilliant insight, I really don't care. And of course, definitely, I also love conversations where people who think about their words, people who speak with heft. But I have a soft spot for those folks that just have to get it out. Words with reckless urgency, artless and regardless. Sometimes it's just more fucking interesting.
 
Love,
Rassles

Oh, PS: I also love this:

A Belfast Slang Word For A Wee Girls Vagina!
I booted her in the blurt

Saturday, January 3, 2015

A Love Letter to South Dakota

Dear South Dakota,

I fear this will be brief, since so many others have raved about your majesty before me.

Half-kidding.

Great things about South Dakota:
  • The Badlands
  • Mount Rushmore (well, just coast past the thing)
  • Peter Norbeck Highway
  • Wild Bill Hickock/Calamity Jane graves
  • Deadwood
  • Corn Palace
  • Laura Ingalls Wilder shit
  • Beauvais Heritage Museum (in all honesty I've never been there, but I've been to Beauvais in France and it was possibly the worst place in the world, so the fact that there's one in SD is gigglesome)
  • Wild Horse Sanctuary 
  • General Lee (the only surviving General Lee car from Dukes of Hazard!)
  • Pioneer Auto Show in Murdo (see above)
  • Wall Drug HOLY CRAPs
  • Porter Sculpture Park
  • Black Hills (I named places in the Black Hills above, but it's one of the most beautiful places I've been)
  • Seriously. The Black Hills.
  • random roadside sculptures 
  • probably like a gazillion other rad things


That's not my picture, there. I found it online. I've driven past that sculpture twice and both times it was sunset and I had no way of stopping. But I WILL GO THERE.

When you're in South Dakota, you're still a stranger. They won't let you forget it. It's not the overbold welcome you can find in Midwest. It's not the indifference of New England or the general wariness in Appalachia or the confusion of the Rockies. No, South Dakota tells you you're an outsider, dangles prizes five feet away from your face and dares you to jump for them with maniacal glee. It has an unabashed approval of and tolerance for tourists while still blatantly making them feel like outsiders, but in a good way.

That's a mark of greatness, to me. South Dakota is a place of worth, a place of history, beauty, art, and tourist traps.

There's something to be said for a place that treats you exactly as you are instead of, for example:

a) what they assume you should be
b) what they wish you were
c) what they hope you are not

I love Chicago with my very soul, but we're a surly and defensively sociable people, and that dichotomy is off-putting. Chicago hates you for visiting and hates you for ignoring them.

New York waves its shit in front of your face like a child with a really big leaf he found in the backyard that he insists he discovered, and then when you're not impressed he scoffs and says, "It's a New York thing." Shut up, New York. You're fucking relevant, okay?

California is a pretty name with a pretty face, and it knows. It's definitely a flirt. Sometimes it's a tease. And sometimes it's a rapist. California is all, "You like that? Do I feel good, baby? Huh? Does this feel good? Huh? Stop crying, you whore! This cock is always seventy degrees and you fucking want it." And it's like whoa, hey, California. Calm the fuck down. Stop forcing yourself on me, okay? No means no. You're pretty, okay? Dude, you're being a real dick about this.

Denver is a mash up of people who think they're better than you because mountains. Fuck off Denver, you're not better than me. Go back to REI. Besides, stop bragging about your damn mountains. Salt Lake City has waaaay closer ones. Speaking of SLC...it is very nice (fin). Portland is so smugly focused on being different that it just sounds boring. Boston and Philadelphia survive on sheer will and historical relevance, Texas works on being Texas and Austin works on being as Texas as possible while simultaneously being not Texas. Atlanta plainly does not give a fuck about you unless you married into them or took a midnight train. No one belongs to Vegas because it's about lingering where you shouldn't stay and no one belongs to Florida because it's about escaping to a place you shouldn't want to be (gaters, yo). Oklahoma is just the worst. Oh, and don't even get me started on NORTH Dakota. Fuck off, Oklahoma and North Dakota. Fuckin fracking.

There are others, and if I didn't include your hometown or your favorite US location, I apologize. As of right now my familiarity with your area is sub-par, or at least undistinguished enough that I don't want to make generalizations off the top of my head. And even my generalizations are probably wrong from your perspective, but as far as I'm concerned the greatest places in this country are South Dakota and New Orleans.

I think it's just...a celebration of differences is more appealing to me than a celebration of pre-approved differences. Almost everyone wants you to recognize the greatness within them, however beautiful, humble, or terrible, and they want you to react accordingly.

Maybe the distinction is that South Dakota is like, "you be you, I'll be me, but it's good to see you, and thanks for stopping by. Whatever. Cool." Then again, I'm a straight white girl who smiles at strangers, so that could be part of the reason why I felt so welcome. And pleasantly solo.

South Dakota invites you to relish the sheer ridiculousness of things, and it does so without irony or shame. It takes your notions and your hatred and your love and accepts them and discards them, because it knows it can only be South Dakota and nothing else.

Have you set foot in South Dakota? Did you hate it there? Did you love it? Were you apathetic? My view is from the perception of a tourist ambling along I-90, and when I say I love it there, someone responds with, "you fucking would" and then goes on about their business.

Maybe it's because other places are focused on living up to the expectations of their name, while my expectations of South Dakota were so low that the state could only surpass it.

I love you, South Dakota.

Love,
Rassles

Thursday, November 20, 2014

A Love Letter to Yonder

Dear yonder,

Anticipating the goings on at the hill beyond yond hill is usually better than being there. Yonder. Yonder yonder yonder yonder. Good word, yonder.

In case you didn't know, I quit my job back in July and then drove around the country for a month. I spent a lot of time studying state maps, memorizing the major highways and then avoiding them as much as possible, fanning off in every direction with a loose plan and no schedule.

I ministered the marriage of two of my friends on a mountain in Colorado. Hit up a rodeo. Then I hit a deer in Utah and was stranded while I waited for shiny new bumper. I finished a case of High Life on a motel porch with a couple of sixty year old Hells Angels in Greybull, Wyoming. I worked at a sheep farm in Montana for board and I camped alone for the first time. Many times. Camping alone is relaxing. I drank wine at Hemingway's grave, hiked a few miles of the Oregon trail, took way too many pictures on the Enchanted Highway, gambled poorly in Deadwood and tailgated the sunset every night I could. 

Good country, this.

On a trip like that, there's always something over yonder. Nothing here? How 'bout over yonder? Yep, sure enough, something's yonder. But then once I got to one yonder, THERE WAS ANOTHER THING OVER YONDER.

And I couldn't fucking wait. I wanted all of it. Couldn't wait til I crossed yonder mountain, hiked yonder trail, wandered the town over yonder. Everything looked like this:


All yonder. Distant, but within sight. Possible.Yonder yonder yonder.

I do not miss my job. It was an amazing nonprofit with wonderful humans, but I had a shit job with shit responsibilities. Daily dread. Eventually I started showing up at 11am, daring them to fire me. I just started doing shit without asking. Because fuck off, that's why.

Honestly, they treated me well. Over seven years there were two promotions and seven significant pay raises. But my responsibilities never really changed. Every year the higher ups learned more about my workload, but they never had a clear picture until I left. They split parts of my job between two existing coworkers, hired two people to replace me for day-to-day stuff and then outsourced my event and fundraising responsibilities. If they had doubled my salary I still would have left.

Working in a job absent of variation, growth, and advancement can really murder your outlook on the future. My imagination couldn't take me far. I basically decided that I had to keep earning money so I could survive, sustain, and take care of my parents eventually.

A lot of wanting is involved in that. A lot of self-reflection and inaction, a lot of realizations that zero in on one thing, like the point of a dagger: if I follow this road, there isn't anything over yonder. I had to quit.

Right now I'm scrambling around looking for writing gigs. It's hard. I'm not making much money and I'm burning through savings. I'm inspired, hopeful, worried, restless, daunted, eager, and fucking terrified. IT IS WONDERFUL. There are so many things over yonder, just littering up and down my timeline, and none of it is dreadful. I could move to Ireland! I could get married! I could die alone! I could publish a book! I could start a business! I could fail goddamn miserably! I could get a dog! I could declare bankruptcy! Isn't that brilliant?

Everything over yonder, some of it's good, and some of it is not so good. But all of it is vivid and possible. Distant, but within sight. It's not a stiletto. It's a feather. Yonder yonder yonder yonder.

Love,
Me

...

Monday, November 17, 2014

A Love Letter to Words

Dear words,

In the summer of 2012, blogger Ted McCagg created tournament brackets for words beginning with every letter of the alphabet and let them duke it out on his site to determine the best word ever. The winner was diphthong, which is a grand old word, but it's no hobgoblin. The whole thing was just fucking thrilling, and while I agree with several of the words on the list (like rapscallion and juggernaut), there are words that I love so much more than his top eight. The sound of a word is so personal that it's hard to completely agree.

It is probably totally pointless to explain why I like words. They are words. I like to use them for writing and speaking. I would write a love letter to just general literacy, but that's kind of like saying, "I love the concept of currency" or "I love the distribution of resources" or something, and thar be monsters and repercussions. So instead, here is a list of words that I really, really, really love, and not because of their meaning, but because of how they sound.
azure
bamboozle
blurt
bungalow
cahoots
cinnamon
copacetic
dusk
egregious
epitome
esoteric
forbidden
fuck
glutton
gossamer
hobgoblin
incognito
jade
jam
jaunt
juggernaut
keelhaul
lasagna
lullaby 
magnanimous
nemesis
neologism
ogle
pandiculation
phallus
pilfer
quicksilver
rapscallion
ripple
shuttlecock
slaughter
somnambulism
spelunking
thrum
tyranny
ubiquitous
velvet
verbose
warlord
woebegone
xenolith
yonder
zealous

Some of these words sound the same, like dusk, lullaby, and bungalow. They got that "uh" sound. (Typing out "that 'uh' sound" looks ridiculous. I don't like it. Phonetically that "uh" sound gets a symbol that looks like an upside-down v, but I can't be all like, "you know, the phonetic symbol that looks like an upside-down v sound" because that is a silly thing to say, and it would confuse people.) All I'm saying is that I love the soft u. Shuttlecock. 

Who's with me? Don't you all have favorite words too? Words that pilfer, ripple, and thrum? According to the google machine, a common favorite word is serendipity. Not my jam. It sounds like saccharine smarm. But that's one thing that makes a word great: my saccharine smarm could be your blessing and truth. Another that seems to pop up all the time is loquacious, and that reminds me of a racist joke so fuck that word. Ephemeral is popular too, but it's a little too melancholy for me.

Pandiculation is a word I discovered like an hour ago:

A stretching and stiffening of the trunk and extremities, as when fatigued and drowsy or on waking, often accompanied by yawning.

I pandiculate pretty much every time I stand. I like it. It's like a scientific surprise. There are other words like that on the list. Cahoots sneaks up on you, because it sounds like a cartoon rabbit instead of a sneaky alliance.

Sometimes a word is almost too well-tailored. Glutton is brutish. It catches your throat and forces you to stop breathing, just for the tiniest of spans. Magnanimous sounds all ancient and grand, and it stretches out like an extended hand. Or a hero, standing akimbo. Ah! Akimbo! Great word.

I suspect I've always been better at words than nearly everything else. Or more accurately, I've always felt more confident in my words than nearly everything else. Words are about sharing something personal and valuable, and about believing your rhetoric is impressive enough to be shared at all.

Words are an antidote to loneliness. They're bridges. Words are about pride. They're paranoid and lovely and full of brass and balls. Brass! Balls! Also excellent words.

Each word has a specific function, and words chosen are just as significant as words that aren't. At the moment of use a single word is the most important part of a person's vocabulary. Even if a word isn't carefully and consciously selected, word choice is so damn particular. It's mesmerizing. I love listening to a well-crafted sentence. The rhythm of a phrase is salient. Cadence is captivating.

Words are just plain dreamy. Yes you are. Yes you are.

Love,
Me

...

Saturday, November 8, 2014

A Love Letter to Jam

Dear jam,

In no particular order, here is a list of things consisting of or relating to jam:


Blackberries
Space
Traffic
Doorjamb
Radios
Sand
Stephen Colbert




It's the connected versatility of jam that really, really makes me love it. But my favorite jam-related rendition is the verb. Not because I like the idea of things being crushed, crammed, or hinged, but because it sounds so aggressive and resourceful. Just the sound of it. JAM.

In physics, jamming is the process where particles harden due to increased density and take on the behavior of a solid, like when sand becomes glass. Traffic jams when the space between cars decreases, and then no motherfucker is driving anywhere until it cracks. Jamming a radio frequency disrupts a transmission. Jamming is tenacious and resolute. Fruit gets jammed for preservation purposes, machinery jams when it breaks, and sometimes we get ourselves into a jam and we can't move forward. Jam-packed. Shit, I hate crowds.

But then again, jam is a freedom. Musical notes jam into one another to create an improvised wall of sound, but the wall ebbs and flows with mood, ever-changing and evolving. It's living in the moment and allowing things to happen. It means something sweet and excellent, like blackberries. That shit is my jam. Michael Jackson jams because he's Michael Fucking Jackson, and that dude can goddamn jam.

Culture jamming, which is, you know, the subversion of mass media and popular culture messages designed to expose flaws or hypocrisy in whatever system is under fire, is usually obnoxious. Seriously. Stop changing "FedEx" to "FedUp" because it's stupid. We get it, you're jamming corporate communication. You're sooooo rebellious and interesting.

But when it's done well, like in the case of Banksy or Stephen Colbert, it makes us question and dissect an idea, and I'm all for that. Especially when it's unexpected, when it sheds light on something I've never thought about before. Like anything awesome, it takes skill to do that shit right, and sometimes it's so, so good.

Jam is diverse. It works as both offense and defense, control and release, a means to either make something happen or to prevent it. You, jam, you sound like anger and bliss, you can slam into us unexpectedly or creep onto us slowly. You're the convergence of particles and ideas. Jam, your dichotomy makes me love you. All of your parts.

Love,
Rassles

Friday, October 17, 2014

A Love Letter to The Field Museum

Dear Field Museum,

I was debating if I should write an entirely new post or if it's acceptable to pull from a previous post. It would be a raging pile of horseshit if I denied something I love the words it deserves, so in the end of course I have to write another.

The Field Museum's objective is "the accumulation and dissemination of knowledge and the preservation and exhibition of objects illustrating art, archaeology, science and history.” What's better than that? Answer: nothing. Nothing is better than that. 

The first time I went to the Field Museum, or the first time I remember, I was in first grade. The Nature Walk blew my fucking mind.

I knew about the pros and cons of a zoo at the tender age of seven: I loved the zoo because I loved the animals and I hated the zoo because they were caged. Let's not start a debate about zoos. 

Field Museum
The Field Museum was like a replacement zoo: it was full of these frenzied, gorgeously creepish dioramas piled with taxidermy animals, some of them living in their natural habitats, grouped by geography and species and like, foraging habits or something. There's a poetry to immortalizing an animal that most humans will never see in its natural habitat. They were shrewd and outlandish and I learned things.

There are greater and lesser gnus. Hyenas were the most bizarre and bewitching animals in all the kingdoms. Deer can be the size of squirrels. The streets near my parents' house are named after common North American birds: warbler, swift. I took notes and wrote an article about birds, streets, and what I learned at the Field, then submitted it to the neighborhood homeowner's association, and they totally published it in the local paper. I was seven.

Natural History Museum in Ireland
It's not as if I have a great appreciation for taxidermy as an art form, although I know that many people do. And there's a difference between the delicately prepared specimens at the Field Museum and the fucking fantastic bullet-holed nightmares at the Natural History Museum in Ireland, although both are hypnotic in ways that open up a world of questions...how did this animal die? Who skinned, stuffed, and mounted it? Are the bones on display somewhere else? Did it have a family? What was its last meal? Did it have a favorite tree? Why did the taxidermist choose to display it in that particular pose, with that snarl or furrow or bend? Is it because of a meticulous love for science, for art, or for both? Do they only stuff animals professionally for museums, or do they mount family pets in their spare time just for giggles? If an animal has a soul, would this animal feel pride or despair knowing what happened with its body?

We can google a diagram of bears and their relative sizes, we can go to a zoo and hope the bears are outside at the same time we are, but at the Field Museum they're lined up in a row and you can feel their sheer size, marvel at the biological diversity, wander around just generally overwhelmed. Full of whelm. There's so much goddamn whelm that if we measured whelm on a scale of sun bear to polar bear, my whelm would be arctic as fuck.

Then there are the cultural exhibits: everyday items are presented fat with memories and purpose, arranged in relation to other pieces that have their own story. Each object is used to create a narrative that helps visitors understand how things were made, used, valued, and discarded. But why is that relevant? Why...why does it matter?

I have a favorite piece in nearly every exhibit. I watch every single video and I try to imagine how to use each tool, because everything has a purpose. Every thing was chosen for a reason. Every damn thing is significant and part of the narrative, even if it's a needle or a spoon. Especially if it's a needle or a spoon. Now all other needles and spoons are trite in comparison yet fundamentally extraordinary, designed so efficiently they haven't been improved upon for thousands of years.

It matters because museums facilitate understanding. They exist not to pass judgement, but to share things that are extraordinary and true. Collect, question, display, involve, educate, connect: good verbs all.

Here's a chicken and egg scenario: do I love certain things because they fascinated me at the Field Museum when I was younger, or does the Field fascinate me because it exhibits things that I love? Animals and biology, evolution, travel, cultural exploration. I've always had a weird thing for jade...is that because of the Hall of Jade at the Field? Or vice versa?

Most likely I love those things because of the Field. A good museum should make you yearn for more knowledge and boost your aspirations, and no place, nowhere, does that like the Field. Fuck this, I'm going there tomorrow.

Love,
Rassles

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

A Love Letter to Zealous

Dear zealous,

It's the way you make me feel, it's the way you sound. You're a word I love to use and a word I love to say, probably because you're just so fucking rad.

If you're gonna do something, do it with everything. With punch. With fucking zeal. Drink the blood of the divine and burn it like fuel, let your purpose, your passion, your enthusiasm and intensity blaze until your only release is single-minded obsession. Become a radical. A fanatical. FANATICAL. Hashtag MusicReference. 

Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit - That's from the Bible (nerds) and it's about the lord, but I'm not talking about god. Or maybe I am? I must be, in a way, because talking about the zealous without referencing religion is like amateur hour at the Sears Tower ("Can you tell me where the Willis is?" "I'll tell you where you can put it.").
 
Have zealous energy in your actions, because zeal is the action that fuels love. When someone is zealous they not only have something they love, but they pursue it with warmth. So love your obsessions. Fuck the shit out of them. Unless it's a person, then ask politely first, and if they say no then you have to suck it up and be all, "oh well, crumbling cookies etc" and then you need to redirect your fucking zeal. I might start saying that to people. "I'm with you, champ, but maybe you should redirect your zeal."

Like most things in the world, being zealous is only a good thing as long as you're also being nice to people. When we are properly zealous, our love is sincere.

The reason zeal is so damn enchanting are twofold:

1) Sincere zeal for a subject is way more interesting than irony.
2) Sometimes zeal can go a little too far.

When your zealousness is just scrambling on the edge of overzealous, dipping a toe in every once in awhile, that's when your shit gets excessive. And annoying. And WAY more interesting. That's when zeal moves into the zone of requiring analysis, that's when zeal becomes the focus instead of the subject, and let's face it: no one is interested in things that you only care about a little. We're interested in the things you care about a lot.

So...do I support aggressive advocacy of ones beliefs? EhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhYES. But see above: as long as you're being nice to people.

I think this subject requires further exploration.

Do you know what the super very best thing is about being a real live person who lives in a place and has thoughts and feelings? It's not just the layers, which I'm allowed to have. It's that I can change whenever I want.

Love,
Rassles

Monday, May 5, 2014

A Love Letter to Quizzes

Dear quizzes,

I guess this can go back to assigning things, in a way, but not really. Because this is more...I don't know. This is more.

Yesterday my dad sent me an article called "Why Are Social Media Quizzes So Popular?" and my first thought was, obviously: um, because they're fucking awesome.

I love internet quizzes. At first taking them was kind of fun, but now it's a full-blown obsession. I'm fascinated.

I'm not linking the article my dad shared because it's stupid and it's basically an advertisement for the Chicago theater scene, full of clickable cues to determine which character you are from Sound of Music or Peter and the Starcatcher. Also, what the devil is Peter and the Starcatcher? The article doesn't let you know, but it's playing at the Goodman. No, sorry, it's playing at the Bank of America Theater. Honestly? Who gives a shit?

And then, in the most telling fashion, the article lists and links all of these quizzes you can take, and how theaters are using these quizzes to do absolutely fucking nothing. They're doing it for the clicks. Theater employees even explicitly admit they don't know how to use the data they're collecting to their advantage, which is probably why they're in media.

Well done, college. People like to write stuff, and no one can draw a fucking conclusion that isn't a personal preference. This, by the way, is why I hate Buzzfeed.

But I loooooooooooooooove their quizzes.

Sometimes I feel like the way a quiz is worded lets me understand the motivations behind changes in pop culture. When Buzzfeed asks which city we would like to visit, do their marketing algorithms change the ads I see to echo my choice?  I mean, if they're not doing that they're idiots.

Why do quizzes ask about food? Pick a Beyonce? Pick a social media platform? Pick a sunset? What is the relevance of these things now, after a year's worth of collected information? Do they write quizzes on a whim, or are they specifically tailored to learn something about their audience? I'm trying to figure it out. It's probably Google's fault. Fucking Google. Google is the worst.

Major money-making websites generate a massive amount of income by creating pointless quizzes that we choose to share. The company thinks anyone who pays attention is their target audience. They will pay attention again. "Keep them doing useless fucking crap," says the company, "maybe we can sell it to someone who knows what to do with aggregated data."

Apparently people cheat on these quizzes to yield an expected result. Because...why? They're trying to create a way for people to identify them, so people will see them the way they want to be seen. So as far as the audience is concerned, it's is less important for them to find they're own voice than to be told that they identify with an already substantiated voice.  That's just...it's so sad.

That meas we're a society of personal branding instead of a society of people. That is terrible. How is it that some 20-year old asshole that works at Buzzfeed is granted the authority to determine which character I am from Star Wars? Why do I believe Buzzfeed? Why am I happy or dissatisfied with my result? WHY DO I GIVE A SHIT?

The article, by the way, doesn't deal with any of these questions, and that pisses me off. But maybe the most telling thing about the article is that without saying anything, the message is clear: social media quizzes are popular because companies are telling us they're relevant, and we believe them. Pop culture is about money, which means it does not reflect the culture, it controls it. I give a shit because Buzzfeed and Facebook tell me to give a shit.

Look at that: they are telling me they are relevant, so what did I do? I spent an entire post trying to fucking justify their relevance.

Goddammit, they are villainous, dexterous, bastardous geniuses. I love quizzes.

Love,
Rassles


...

This Love Letters series is for true. Click here for the list so far.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

A Love Letter to Having a Day

Dear Having a Day,

Jesus fuck I love having a day.

Requirements for having a day include:

1) totally unplanned
2) probably hungover
3) two or more persons, at least one of which is displaced from their normal residence by at least 500 ft
4) hilarity

It's not necessarily that you are hilarious (although I'm always hilarious, natch) when you're having a day, it's more that, like, when you're having a day, everything is hilarious. Having a day is something we invented. A term we assigned? No, something we Named.

When we have a day we tend to speak in primitive basics: "We are people and we are having a day."

It's never "Hey, can we have a day tomorrow?" It's always "Come play! We are having a day." Sometimes we try to plan it, but whenever we plan we fail.

Sometimes we can see having a day up ahead like a silhouette at sunset, our terrible, inevitable future: "Uh oh, Rassles. We're going to have a day tomorrow aren't we?"

"Yes, Schmee. I'm afraid we might."

Bloomingdale Trail. I found this on the google, I have no idea who took it. Rad though, yeah?
Sometimes having a day is just wandering around petting strangers' dogs, or an impromptu bar crawl in rain, or deciding to get drunk but instead we just sit around watching Back to the Future MST3K-style. Sometimes we go to Chinatown. Sometimes we walk down the street and collect high-fives. Sometimes we accidentally end up at the Circus Museum in Baraboo. Sometimes we hike the Bloomingdale trail, but not anymore because they're turning it into a sensible, three-mile elevated park. Chicago loses its wilderness foot by foot, day by day.

Sometimes we go see a psychic who tells us that throughout our childhood our usually-absent father, with whom we do not get along, had a secret family in Georgia, and because of his sins we are cursed to never find love unless we pay the psychic $45 a week so she can light giant candles and meditate and cleanse us of our misfortune and woe. Sometimes that psychic describes, in detail, our damaging miscarriage (????????WHUUUT??????). She says we have good business sense, we love our job cuz its what we do best, we do not enjoy reading and are not terribly creative. Sometimes that psychic also says that no man will love us because we are too ugly and intimidating (it was 6pm and I smelled like PBR and my soft pants had schnauzers on them) so we might want to consider settling with a woman just so we aren't so lonely anymore. Sometimes psychics are stupid fucking cunts that try ruin our day, but they fail, and do you know why? Because we are having a fucking DAY, that's why.

Nothing can ruin a day. Spending $25 on a shitty tarot card reading is worth it, and plus? Awesome. She did not list a single accurate or recognizable trait of mine. It was like the exact opposite of a psychic, treading water in the toilet of lies. Seriously, did this witch divine vibes from a stranger on the sidewalk? Who was this stranger? Can I meet her? Would we be friends? I doubt it, we have nothing in common, and half of my apartment is books. Also, absent father? You kidding me? My dad worked from home. I saw him every day. Too ugly to be in a relationship with a man? Foolish, fuckeyed, gypsy harpy, your mystic science is stuh-rate up slander.

But none of that matters, because Sara and I were having a day.

Sometimes when we're having a day we buy all of the champagne at CVS and drink on the porch and yell at people on the street so they'll join us in our day. Sometimes we stay in and turn off all the lights and drink bloody marys and watch Buffy. Shooting the shit, being an idiot within the safe confines of your friends.

It occurs to me that the majority of them when I'm having a day, Schmee is there. Well done, Schmee. We are people and we are good at things.

Love,

Rassles


...

This Love Letters series is for true. Click here for the list so far.

Friday, April 11, 2014

A Love Letter to Diner

Dear Diner,

I love you.

Sure, you're sexist. Then again, you take place in 1959. If you weren't sexist, this would be a fantasy, and your strength is your realism. 

If any movie perfectly illustrates the dynamics of friendship without relying on stereotypes, this is it. You can keep your buddy films and your bromances and your coming-of-age. 

Diner is one of the only movies that leaves me with: Yes. This is how friends behave. This is friendship amongst a group of equals.  It's not about heroes and sidekicks or mentors and students or rivals that 'respect' each other.


I think one of the main reasons I identify with Diner so much is because there are (please don't hate me for where I'm headed, here) so fucking few healthy female friendships represented in popular culture. Why is it that female friends are always jealous and backstabby? My friends aren't like that. If I met a person like that, I would just not be friends with them.

Hollywood has very, very, very low expectations of friendship, especially with women. Stories about camaraderie are usually better friendship barometers than stories about friends.  Movies about growing up that are written or directed by a person who is, simultaneously, coming into their own self, are always the best.
 
Diner's success lies in the level of comfort these actors feel around each other, how they ricochet and couple and strain. I don't think I have a single friend I relate to in the exact same way as another. Friendships are fueled by reflection. It's how you respond to each other, the unique phrases you use, how you reminisce...if you reminisce at all. Some friends are for arguing and debates. Some friends need protection. Some give the best advice, some spill out a slow reveal of our similarities or flagrant differences.

The things that I remember about my friends are the parts that were easy, and those are the things I tell the most.  Staying up all night in on the train to New Orleans with Bobbay, shaking creamers because Muffy told us that if you shook a creamer, it would turn into butter. What did we talk about? Shit, I don't know. Buttermakers? I just know it was effortless and rad, and my favorite part of that trip was getting there. One summer I remember drinking around a fire reading passages from erotic novels with CrazyLiz and Phil and Tyler: I remember the nuances ("You know what word I'm not comfortable with? Nuance. It's not a real word" - Modell, Diner) and stress that each of used and how differently we all read the text. Driving around with Schmee in college looking for cigarettes, refusing to buy our own, just having a day. We weren't out of control or fucked up or anything, we were just...us. Sometimes it's the simple lazy times, when no one is faking it, when you're completely at ease and you don't need to work at anything, when you're not trying, when you're just effortlessly idle. But tthings end, and people grow.

Diner takes place just before the minute hand strikes sixties: the world is about to change, to call out the boys' collective narcissism and smash it up. But no matter what, they'll always have the guys at the diner.

Then they're getting married, having kids, starting new jobs and leaving town. But you know that the next time they're together, Modell and Eddie are going to bicker about absolutely anything and everything, Shrevie and Boogie will remain friendly, but tensely competitive, Fenwick will probably be drunk and brilliant and pissing off everyone else.

And it's stories we all know: the universal, gap-mouthed look Eddie gets when he realizes he just lost a pointless argument, but he still keeps arguing because he must, because he is making a goddamn point, and then later on he brushes it off, why so serious?

Seriously, Steve fucking Guttenberg is a goddamn genius in this movie (words that have never, ever been spoken, and technically they still haven't since I typed them, but whatever jerk). As far as I'm concerned his role (Eddie) is one the most well-actualized characters I have ever seen - because we know him, we can tell how he's going to react to anything outside the sphere of Diner because he does such a fucking perfect job reacting to things. I could go on and on and on, but that shit's boring to list and dazzling to watch. I'll let the movie do it.

In a way, I guess, it's about taking shit seriously: my serious business is much more fucking important than your serious business. Nah, just kidding, super sors, we cool?

Maybe it's because, stripped of the question of masculinity and what it means to be a man and all that bullshit (which I could talk about, but don't want to) Diner is really about learning who you are and admitting those faults, and how none of it matters with the people you love. 

Maybe I the reason I love Diner is because it's like...it's like when an old friend gives you a confident a kick in the ass and tells you to fuck off, so you do a round of shots and make fun of each other for five minutes and feel better about the world. 


Love,
Rassles

...

So I guess I have a Love Letters series now.  I mean, I do. Click here for the list so far.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

A Love Letter to Preposterous

Dear preposterous,

Of all the words that mean "contrary to common sense," including but not limited to:

1) ridiculous       2) absurd       3) foolish       4) silly       5) etc.

You are the best.

I'm predisposed towards the preposterous automatically, but only in a very specific way. I like my preposterousness to have intent, somehow. I think it's because preposterous things are best when they veer swiftly from a serious something. When they have a reason and that reason is, itself, preposterous.  All that is probably rooted somehow in absurdism, right?

Still, I'm not directly talking absurdism, here - like the disharmony created by humanity's continuous search for meaning in a meaninglessness universe -  for example: mathematicians rummaging for the secrets of pi, or people who do the "paleo diet" (which is worst name ever, and here's a tip if you want to lose weight: exercise (yes, fine, pots and kettles and their inherent blackness, whatever, but at least I'm not jumping on fads)) because, you guys, we have no way of knowing that Paleolithic humans refrained from starch.  Or Catholicism. Pi, paleo diets, Catholicism. All the same thing. Everything is the same thing, nothing is different, everything is different, everything is absurd, but omg, why? So obviously I agree with absurdism, pretty much, but I don't like the fact that I do. Which is, of course, fucking absurd.

But I'm talking about artistically preposterous, or personally preposterous, or professionally preposterous. The kind of preposterousness that springs from the cracks of too much seriousness rather than a lack of understanding, of the willing neglect of things that are sensible in order to embrace the nonsense, because of the nonsense. It's just more fun that way.

In light of disappearing flights, I'm going to use LOST as an example here: LOST excelled at characterization. Each person portrayed on that show was pompously elaborate, fat with memories and glaring idiosyncrasies.

The plot to LOST was developed, but shittingly preposterous, and that made me love it more. The more entangled and irrational each story became, a pervasive concern arose among viewers: the scriptwriters wrote themselves into fallacy. But then instead of writing themselves out of it they just said, "Eh, fuck it. Let's do this instead: EVERYTHING IS MAGIC."


Look at that foot. Why is the foot there? Because it used to be a statue of Taweret. Why was there a statue? Because someone built it. Probably an Egyptian. Why Taweret? Because she was the goddess of makin' babies, and no one could have babies on the island so the statue was an appeal for fertility. Why? Because some people like babies and the island is magic.

That is my idea of a good time. Instead of solving our problems, let's just use magic.
pre·pos·ter·ous
[pri-pos-ter-us s, -truh s]
adjective
completely contrary to nature, reason, or common sense; absurd; senseless; utterly foolish: a preposterous tale.
Origin: 1535-45; from Latin praeposterus with the the hinder part foremost. See pre-, posterior, -ous.
Synonyms
unreasonable, excessive, ridiculous. See absurd.

Sure, saying that using magic is better could be utterly foolish. Why? Number one, magic isn't real. Two, it's cheating. But most importantly it means taking that thing that we were all wondering: is there a fucking logical explanation for all this? No. There isn't. There is only magic.

But how, do you ask, is that putting the hinder part foremost? That which defines preposterous, which is why this is preposterous and not absurd? Literally, "pre-" meaning before; part of "posterior" meaning subsequent, followed by, hinder; and "-ous" meaning...you know...the part of the word that makes this an adjective. Either way, preposterous magic is the driving purpose. We're well aware of what should be done, if things were right and proper, and we just...do it differently for no goddamn reason.

Things that are literally backwards and preposterous, just off the top of my head: 

  • Looking-Glass magic plum-cakes (hand it round first, then cut it after)
  • “We should forgive our enemies, but not before they are hanged.”
  • Put your thing down, flip it, and reverse it 
  • posting something on Facebook just to see different sidebar ads
  • butt chugging

The obvious preposterous thing to list is "don't put the cart before the horse." But what people always forget is this: horses can push, too. 


Do horses dream of hauling booze or is the very notion of this preposterous?

Love,
Rassles

...

So I guess I have a Love Letters series now.  I mean, I do. Click here for the list so far.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

A Love Letter to Assigning Things

Dear assigning things,

Oh, do I love to assign stuff to things! And of course the antipode: things to stuff. It's something I do automatically, usually, and well. It's probably because I have a meager morsel of synesthesia. When I say "meager" I mean it. My synesthesia - chromesthesia - is a dinky shrimp of a concept that sounds a lot cooler than it is, and I don't like to talk about it. For the uninitiated: sometimes I see colors when I hear sounds. Or hear colors. It is not nearly as extreme as you are imagining it right now. A symphony is not rainbow of light.  It's not constant, it only happens during speaking, and again...I don't like to talk about it.

It's a problem because some people sound like they are the most sluggish, defeated fluorescent yellow they could muster, and I automatically hate them.  They could be a perfectly nice person, but I will refuse to give them a chance to prove it.  It's terrible.  If you've been reading this blog for awhile (all four of you lovelies), you would know that I ardently judge people based on the sound of their voice. Sometimes a person has an offensive timbre and they can probably do nothing about it without the help of Henry Higgins, so I graciously forgive them for shrilling like a human theremin, but that doesn't mean I like them.

So I will assign that person to the list in my brain headed "people who sound like drabby yellow grass." Of course, colors ebb and vary depending on the types of vocalization, the modality, etc., but in general, some people have lovely voices that flutter from pale blue to the night sky and others sing in a papal purple and speak in scarlet, but not everyone, just some. There is no mapping logic to it all. But once you've spoken a color to me I will remember it.

And although some people sound like colors, most people don't. Which means I need to find something else to assign to them.

The act of assigning, the deliberate synthesis of one thing and another, whether that thing is a trait or a phrase or a responsibility or a smell...it's different than something as omnipotent as naming. Naming asserts control over a thing. It involves taking into account history and future and the summation of the assigned parts.

When something is named the audience places immediate judgement. Compare Avatar to Ferngully, two terrible movies with the exact same plot.  Regardless of their similarities, the titles insinuate that the focus of each is different: one word is the manifestation of a god on a lesser plane of existence, while the other is a ravine fully of shaded plants.

So naming is power.

But assigning...assigning is mine. It's my personal association. Assigning could be interpreted as a claim to ownership, but to me it's more like a claim to relationship. Yes, this thing, this person, this place, it means something to me and I to it. We are relevant to each other. 

Maybe when I assign things to stuff or stuff to things, it's a plea to my personal vanity. Or is it a way to organize impressions, or memories?  Is it a way imbue immortality? Or is it my own personal confusion of the two concepts?

I've assigned sentences to the stars and certain behaviors to the trees on my street, smiles to people with a tendency to frown, friends to flashbacks and flashbacks to friends, degrees of douchiness to flavors (what is going to be the kale or cauliflower of 2014? I need to make a list), gravity to versions of nostalgia, lovability to myself, unfair judgement to drug addicts, giggles to puppies, personalities to letters, stamps of approval to restaurants that sell cream of chicken and rice soup on days outside of Sunday, activities to days and emotions to weeks.

The following is a non-exhaustive list of things I've assigned to humans with or without their knowledge:

Speaking of animal personalities, I'm a bear. 
Which means, I'm sure, that I would be a cinnamon bear.
  • animal personality (but only from this particular quiz, and I don't so much as assign animals as take the quiz for everyone I meet always)
  • toys
  • Hogwarts Houses (one time I assigned a Hogwarts house to every US President)
  • Myers-Briggs personalities
  • colors
  • actors and actresses
  • biography authors
  • walk songs
  • weather
  • nicknames
  • type of circus performer

Sure, all of these are the makings for a fine Buzzfeed quiz, but not really.  Because it's not like I assign things to everyone, and I don't assign the same things across the board. I assign colors and feelings and objects to humans. Durrr.

Still there's a problem: this turns humans into characters, and explaining away behavior by saying, "well, she runs from confrontation because she's a cottontail rabbit who speaks in peach." It's always unhealthy to turn a fleshy, living person into a character. That's objectification, not a relationship.

I used to objectify myself completely. I thought, "I want people to think I'm this way" and so I would live up to what I thought other people's expectations would be of the person I wanted to be. Then I placed judgement on myself based on how I assumed other people perceived me and tried to anticipate and thwart those assumptions by berating who I thought they thought I was. Like in the mirror.

Honestly? I still do that. Sometimes. But now I realize what I'm doing, and I'm correcting it. Do not objectify everyone. We are people, and therefore unique and unknowable. Stop sucking.  

But assignments help. They reinforce knowledge...I don't think Emi is a gently carved bolt of affable lightning, I know she is. I know Fraya is a bouncy ball with an orange sunset singing inside, Xtine is a crown of perfectly roasted marshmallow stilettos. These are things I know. I have assigned things to them that will last forever.

So thank you, assigning things, for being a thing I love to do.

Love,
Rassles

...

 So I guess I have a Love Letters series now.  I mean, I do. Click here for the list so far.

Friday, January 24, 2014

A Love Letter to The Last Unicorn

Dear The Last Unicorn,

Fucking hell, I seriously love every aspect of you in every way.  Those links, by the way, are the times I've dropped your name on this blog, but shit is about to get all Bad Boys II up in here.  Not in the Michael Bay kind of way, but seriously: shit's getting real.

We become who we are by living up to the expectations of our gods, or whoever: parents, the Buddha, Harry Potter, a friend who died when you were seven, or a lovely young woman who used to be a unicorn as old as the moon.

This fairy tale is like a god to me.  I don't hold it sacred, but I praise its gospel.  I can only hope that someday I'm able create a story half as tender, tragic, and goofy as hell.

You guys, I own like all of The Last Unicorn paraphernalia.  I have the novel and the graphic novel, I have the movie on DVD and VHS, I have the soundtrack (by America, which is FANTASTIC). Whenever I list my favorite movies, I always forget to include this one, which is a crock of shit on my part, because The Last Unicorn is perfect.   It's a haunt on my heart, always lurking just outside of my the corner of my eye and glittering away like a dream I forgot to write down.

It's pointless to describe the plot here, because anyone can do that.  All I can do is say what I love about it, and hope that it makes at least one person read this book.  Because everyone should.  You might be thinking that this is lame.  That's the thought process of someone who doesn't know what the hell they're talking about. Don't let the title fool you.  This isn't about the magical ponies and their whimsical friends trotting around a land of rainbows.  Even though it's about a unicorn and a magician and giant red bull that is, like, always on fire...it's about princes who read magazines and carnies that tell dirty jokes, and the reason we need heroes.

All I'm saying is this: if you haven't read this book, whatever you're assuming about it, right now, is probably fucking wrong.  But anyone who enjoys this book should probably have a penchant for nonsense. And sorrow. And love.  So if your ideal author is John Grisham, you are not going to like The Last Unicorn.  Grisham has no fucking time for whimsy, as serious and true as that this brand of whimsy may be.  

The problem with this story is its extreme definitiveness. Everything Peter S. Beagle slipped into the story is now my personal truth.  Butterflies communicate in snatches of songs and poetry.  They know the lyrics to "My Wild Irish Rose." Of course they do.  Duh.  And...and bands of outlaws idolize Robin Hood and eat tacos.  This makes sense to me. They fundamentally must be raging taco hounds.

So now, because of fucking Beagle and his goddamn book, stories that are earnestly garnished with anachronistic fantasy are nearly always superior to those that aren't. It's an unpredictable surprise that lends a bit of credibility to a fairy tale that is by all other means governed by the rules of any classic fairy tale, although it supersedes and deconstructs them in every way.

I love it because it makes me feel everything. And because I always forget the little pearls.
We are not always what we seem, and hardly ever what we dream. 
- Schmendrick the Magician, Last of the Red-Hot Swamis

The Last Unicorn is about the ways you cope when someone fucks with who you are as a person, with the very basic structure of your psyche.  It's about the ridiculous things you will do for the one person who gracefully carries your heart around like toilet paper accidentally tucked into a perfectly fitted pair of pants.  It's about how priorities change because of things beyond our control, it's about picking up discarded quests, it's about how worship can dangerously become a cage.  We refuse to see what is plainly before us while we assume we can see what is plainly before others.

It's about memories and mortality, and how we confuse the two.  And it's about what happens when you judge yourself, and others, by what they possess.  But I mean possess in a decorative way, something ornamental that really doesn't belong to a person but they claim ownership of it nonetheless, or how what others possess reflects in yourself, or as a phrase like, "He's a nice guy, just a little sexist sometimes." If we do not love people based on how they behave, how can we truly identify with or love anyone at all?
What is the matter with your eyes? They are full of green leaves, crowded with trees and streams and small animals. Where am I? Why can I not see myself in your eyes?
- King Haggard
The movie was written by Beagle as well, which means each line of dialogue is pulled directly from the book, although sometimes they're spoken confusingly and rarely how I read the line in the book.  But that gives the movie a bewitching, elegant affliction that serves its medium.  I saw the movie first and read the book years later, but I think because I was able to independently enjoy them both that effects me to this day: I always prefer to watch a movie before I read the book.

It's just better that way.  There are always new things to discover in a book after I watch a movie, but if I read the book first I can only focus on the missing pieces.

I could go on for hours, probably, if you let me. I want everyone I care about to read this book and love it, even though I know that's impossible.  Differing opinions are important to the world, and to me.  But I want that to happen all the same.

Instead I will just post another quote, and it's a silly poem from the book.  It might turn people off.  But maybe someone will read it and think, "There's wisdom in that.  I should read this book."  Yes, you should.
"I am no king, and I am no lord,
and I am no soldier at-arms," said he.
"I'm none but a harper, and a very poor harper,
that am come hither to wed with ye."

"If you were a lord, you should be my lord,
and the same if you were a thief," said she.
"And if you are a harper, you shall be my harper,
for it makes no matter to me, to me,
for it makes no matter to me."

"But what if it prove that I am no harper?
That I lied for your love most monstrously?"
"Why, then I'll teach you to play and sing,
For I dearly love a good harp," said she.
I dearly love The Last Unicorn.

Love,
Rassles

...

So I guess I have a Love Letters series now.  I mean, I do. Click here for the list so far. 

...

Later Edit:  DUDES.
http://www.tor.com/blogs/2014/01/havent-you-ever-been-in-a-fairy-tale-before-peter-s-beagles-the-last-unicorn

Is this a thing now? Is The Last Unicorn finally going to explode?

Friday, January 17, 2014

A Love Letter to Clever

Dear clever,

You are just a great word, did you know that?  Ticklish and vague, with a hint of spiritual association that slides across the spectrum of emotion.  We know what you are, but we don't all agree on you.  You're so fucking...subjective.

Say 'cle' over and over. kleklekleklekleklekleklekleklekleklekle.  It feels like pieces falling into place, like a Rube Goldberg device at the climax of brewing a pot of coffee, or clanking gears of an astronomical clock. 

Say 'ver' over and over.  verververververververververververver.  It sounds like beginnings.  A throttle, an engine, an action about to occur. 

Clever holds the promise of the truly awesome discoveries to come.

But there's a darkness to you, clever.

There's a darkness to "smart" as well, but that darkness is leaking out of a word that masks itself with a sharp bite and sudden stings.  Smart is painful.  And honestly, clever is just more phonetically pleasing (see sentences five through ten, thank you), and that's why I love it more. 

Clever can be negative, as if someone is a wee bit too mentally nimble for their own good.  Should there really be such a thing as too clever?  Too good at cleverness?  We don't say a person is "too good" at basketball or painting or playing the violin.  I mean, we do, but it's figurative, like "OMG, that Picasso guy is just tooooo good."  We don't insinuate their talents are for evil. 

Cleverness, though, is slightly off-balance, elite, cunning, darkly and knowingly smart.  Wisdom is honest, cleverness involves manipulation.  It implies a confidence in ability that makes people somewhat uncomfortable.  Then again, anyone who is not overconfident in their ability to play violin probably shouldn't compete in the International Tchaikovsky Competition, anyone who is not overconfident in their athleticism shouldn't start on the Bulls.  But a violinist has clever fingers, and a basketball star has clever hands.  As long as their main trait is something other than cleverness we revere them.

So why do I (we? is this just me?) associate "clever" with a bit of wile? And why do I like the idea of being clever more than being intelligent because of it?

clev·er

[klev-er]
adjective, clev·er·er, clev·er·est
  1. mentally bright; having sharp or quick intelligence; able.
  2. superficially skillful, witty, or original in character or construction; facile; It was an musing, clever play, but of no lasting value. 
  3. showing inventiveness or originality; ingenious: His clever device was the first to solve the problem. 
  4. adroit with the hands or body; dexterous or nimble. 
  5. Older Use
    • suitable; convenient; satisfactory
    • Good-natured
    • handsome
    • in good health
etymology: From East Anglian dialectal English cliver ("expert at seizing"), from Middle English cliver ("tenacious"), perhaps from Old English clifer, clibbor ("clinging"), or perhaps from East Frisian (compare Saterland Frisian kluftich), or dialectal Norwegian klover ("ready, skillful"); possibly influenced by Old English clifer ("claw, hand"). Related to cleave.

By the way, for some reason I read "cliver" as an expression unto itself, like cockney Michael Caine is bent over and sneering into my ear: "Fink yore cloiver, down' you? Wehw brayns is a bit more ven 'at, love."

Of course, dear clever, I don't want to associate with the superficiality represented in definition two, but we can't just ignore it.  I'm superficial all the time: I automatically assume anyone that's too pretty is a jackass.

Oh, see what I just did there?  Colon parentheses.

I love the idea of cleverness being rooted in clinging tenacity and the ability to cleave...like the dissection of an idea, splitting it in two and trying to sew the thought back together again in as many ways as possible. Taking the concept of cleverness and just ripping it to shreds for the goddamn sheer joy of destruction, and building it back up again for the sheer joy of creation. Destroy and create, vicious cycles of mentality, playing God.

God, by the way, is very clever.  Dexterity is clever.  Intuition is clever.  Clothing is clever. Dogs are clever. TV shows are clever, velociraptors are clever, sometimes, I think, I am clever.  As long as you'll have me, dear clever.  Will you have me?  Of course you will, I demand it.  I've always valued clever above nearly all else.  A clever person can make anything interesting.  With a little manipulation, of course.  It's the inventiveness that I love about it.

And I don't just mean "life hacks," like when you lather the old tiny sliver of soap on the fresh, sparkly bar of soap thus creating one piece of soap and eliminating that pesky little leftover guy (Someone took a picture of this and posted it on the internet?  And then someone shared it?  MILLIONS OF PEOPLE SHARED THIS?  Haven't you been doing that since you were a child? You haven't? What? No seriously, what?)

Cleverness involves not accepting things at face value, but most importantly, it involves knowing a reason.  Some things are unknowable, but I know there's a reason for loving people/things that are clever: because they value what I value in myself.

Whoa, that totally goes back to dogs.

I was raised to value cleverness.  Oddly, I think I was raised to do what I believed was right to the detriment of reputation and people's perceptions of me, but I think that's a good thing.  I think we should fight for what we believe, and we should have a reason to believe something. Cleverness is what gives me that reason.  Perhaps it might involve stretching things a bit, sometimes I'm missing a point here and there.  But if I'm clever enough I can provide a complete presentation in my brain.  To myself.

I love clever because I love the process of figuring out the why and how.  But most importantly, I love trying to figure it out more than actually figuring it out.  The conclusion is boring, usually.  The process is what makes it fun.

Honestly, I thought I might have arrived at something more meaningful by now.  Writing about clever.  I guess we'll see where the next one takes me. 

Love,
Rassles
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Sunday, January 5, 2014

A Love Letter to Dogs

Dear Dogs,

In my oldest and happiest dreams, there is a small house swallowed by a gluttonous porch on top of a hill carved like bundt cake.  And I'm with a dog. 

Those are the consistent elements.  Sometimes I'm reading or writing or napping, sometimes I'm laughing.  Sometimes there is a man, sometimes we're in love, sometimes there are children, sometimes there's a pony. But there is always a house on a hill with a porch and a dog.

Sometimes the dog is a swarthy, enormous beast, like a lethal, cuddly tank with a bright pink tongue.  It would be suitably named Samsquamch (or something) and together we would gallivant throughout the countryside or lazily laze about the porch. What does the name "Samsquamch" say about me, as a person?  Is Samsquamch magic?  I don't think it matters anymore, that conversation is so 2013.

Sometimes it's small and whiskered.  Not too small.  Maybe more...medium?  Knee-high, or a bit taller.  A proper mongrel, not a barking rabbit masquerading as a "Pomeranian" or a "Pekingese."  Those little monsters are cute and everything, and I will hug them and giggle and say embarrassing things like "why are you the cutest little cuddles?  Yes you are.  Yes you are! What's that squeaky noise?  WHUSSA BUBBA DUBBA SKWEEKY NOSE? Bestest widdow skweeky sounds. You. Yeah, you do.  That's right."  And then I'll turn to the dog's owner and say,  "Oh my stars, your dog is fucking adorable."

And I would mean it.  But not the dog for me.

If I have a dog, it's going to be a tangley mess of everything, probably with too much fur or scruff, probably with spots or stripes or patches, and probably way too smart for its own good.  Most likely this dog will not be the biggest looker, although I'm sure I'll think it's gorgeous.  Not like...the kind of smart where people say, "omg, my dog/child/boyfriend/wife is soooo smart" but they're using that word because they have never met a dog or a child or a person who actually IS smart.  I'm talking enigmatically brilliant, loyal, and wonderful.

We attribute human emotions to dogs as if they are human, but we really have no way of knowing how similar the emotions actually are - relief, despair, joy, agitation.  I don't even pretend that my best friends, or my family can feel the way I'm feeling sometimes since emotions aren't cut and dry, but when I'm with my dog (more accurately my parents' dog) it's as if he hurts when I hurt, that he's happy when I'm happy. 

Maybe not a mongrel, but Rusty is rad.
Of course that's on me.  When the dog is hurt, I hurt.  When the dog is happy, I am happy...so I just kind of assume he's the same.  How brilliant is that?  That we have furry mammalian emotional barometers that can not only gauge but influence our emotions?  We form intimate bonds with them, we feed them, exercise them, pick up their shit with our hands.  We choose our dogs to reflect the things we value in ourselves:  aggression, agility, playfulness, intelligence, gentleness, loyalty.  Adorableness.  They are our household gods. 

God created man in his image.  Or is it the other way around?  Humans created gods in their image. Sometimes with too many arms (or do we have too few?) and sometimes with animal characterizations, because humans tend to associate certain behaviors and virtues with different species.  Athena has an owl for wisdom. Ganesha has an elephant head for strength and fertility (and because Shiva cut it the other one off). Ravens are vocal and opportunistic little bastards, so Odin has two for Thought and Memory.  Bast is symbolized by a cat as a protector of the weak, for motherhood and grace.

Dogs, however, are guardians or helpers, but rarely (and as far as I know off the top of my head, never) the manifestations or companions of a specific god.  Wolves and jackals, coyotes...those are gods.  But not the dog.

In Zoroastrianism, dogs are not gods, but sacred in their own right.  A dog's gaze purifies the soul.  Murdering a dog is a crime punished by eternal damnation.  Dogs are granted funeral rites and puppies are precious.

The point is this: we didn't create dogs, but we assign them our image, like gods.  Dog = god backwards, duh.  It's a non-but-way-awesomer-and-better-than-usual palindrome. Dogs are anthropomorph-ized (is that a legit derivation? yes.) the world over.  Some people beat them and some people eat them, and some people force them to fight to the death for sport, but societies across the world have partnered with dogs for as long as...like...forever.  

But they are still dogs.  They're coworkers and friends.  They're our counterpart.  We assume they feel a range of emotions comparable to humans because we want them to.  We study and write books on the language of dogs, we train them to value what we value, we breed them to value what we value.  We genetically control their behavior and physical traits, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the tragically worst. 

At the same time, the idioms associated with "dog" are rude and terrible.  Sick as a dog.  Underdog.  Dog-eat-dog.  Go to the dogs. Work like a dog.  Dogs of war.  Put your woman on a leash. Get that kid a muzzle.  Bitch. 

I don't like any of that.  We should stop that.  As humans we deserve better.  Dogs deserve better.

I'm no expert, and I might have gotten some of this wrong.  I'm just writing what I know.  Maybe this isn't a proper love letter to dogs, or about dogs, because I'm not describing all of the wonderful things about them.  I don't really NEED to do that.  That's what Buzzfeed is for.

I guess what I'm saying is: hey, dogs!  I love you because no matter what we belong to each other. You are the best.  You do everything like you mean it, and like you mean it just a little bit more than your human counterparts.  You're us.  Cubed.  Dogs are love. 

Love,
Rassles

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